Paul Didn’t Invent Gender Roles: God Did
The Controversial Doctrines of Paul — Part 3
The inspiration for this series comes from my article, The Apostle Who Divided the Church, in my previous series, Knowing Your Apostles, where I presented Paul as the most controversial apostle. My approach, based on the apostle Peter’s description of Paul’s writings (2 Peter 3:15–16), is to not only clarify some of these doctrines, but also to expose what I believe are revisionist interpretations of them.
Series Question
Is Paul’s teaching on the roles of men and women in marriage outdated and out of touch with modern realities?
This post continues my answer to the series question above, which I began addressing in Part 2: Does the Bible Enable Patriarchy? There, I laid the groundwork for examining Paul’s teachings on gender roles.
As I argued in Part 1: Is Justification by Faith a Hoax?, Paul didn’t invent a new doctrine. He merely taught what God Himself established in the creation order—something that godly men and women had been taught and practiced long before Paul.
The Creation Order
For us to understand the premise of Paul’s teachings, we have to go back to the beginning and examine what God said. There are some who will not like what I am about to lay out, but if you’re a Christian, I urge you to approach this with an open mind. If what I present conflicts with your current worldview, you will need to decide whether you will accept or reject the authority of Scripture.
I have heard absurd claims that the Bible was written from a male perspective, which is not necessarily untrue since most of its books are attributed to men. But the suggestion that the Bible is male-biased is false.
Some have even claimed that the translations have been falsified to prop up male authority and patriarchy. However, I have not seen a single piece of evidence for this alleged falsification. I once commented on a post by a woman who made this claim and challenged her to read the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts and provide proof.
Now, to the creation order.
Genesis 3 is where, I believe, God established this order. After the fall in the Garden of Eden, God first pronounced judgment on the Serpent as the one who engineered the fall. Then He turned to the woman and said:
“...Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
— Genesis 3:16
I do not believe that this was a punishment for the woman. Rather, I believe God was exposing a flaw in the arrangement between Adam and Eve that the Serpent had exploited. Eating the fruit was the most consequential decision that Eve made. Eve should have spoken to Adam first before deciding to eat the fruit, because Adam was the one to whom God gave the instruction not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Some have tried to argue otherwise, but I believe the text indicates that Adam wasn’t with Eve when she spoke to the Serpent and that she also ate the fruit before giving it to Adam. She herself said:
“...The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
— Genesis 3:13
Eve admitted two things here: first, that she was the one who was deceived, not Adam; Paul said the same thing in 1 Timothy 2:14. And second, that she ate it first. If they had eaten at the same time, I believe she would have said, “and we ate.”
By setting the order in their relationship, or in the home, God was plugging a hole that the Serpent had exploited. Where this gap exists in a home, we have seen the damage that the devil can do through infighting and the spillover into children’s lives.
God set the man—the husband—as the final decision-maker. It’s not that he would be the only decision-maker or that he is the only one who can make good decisions, but that where there is disagreement, the husband’s decision would be final. God was protecting peace in the home. It’s not subservience but order.
This is not unlike what organizations do. In organizations, you have the Chief Executive Officer (CEO), who is just one of many decision-makers. Although the CEO is the ultimate decision-maker, most decisions are actually made by other senior executives and middle managers. The CEO is usually consulted when there are big decisions or when he needs to arbitrate where there are conflicting decisions.
I believe that the failure by some women to recognize or accept this divine order is the reason for many marital conflicts, broken homes, and failed marriages.
The Examples of the Patriarchs
In the Bible, we see many men and women living within this order. In Does the Bible Enable Patriarchy?, I highlighted the story of Abraham and Sarah. What we see is far from the narrative that is often put forward about those who believe in traditional marriage. Sarah made many of the big decisions, and Abraham followed.
We also saw Abraham make some big decisions, and Sarah went along. Sarah followed Abraham on all his journeys:
The journey from Ur of the Chaldeans although it is technically Terah who brought them along — Genesis 11:31
The journey to Egypt, where they probably acquired Hagar as a maidservant — Genesis 12:10
The journey to Gerar, which was the first patriarchal contact with the Philistines — Genesis 20:1, 26:1
Abraham’s relationship with Sarah, as I dissected in Does the Bible Enable Patriarchy?, was one of mutual respect, but Sarah followed Abraham’s lead when needed. This is the model that God established for the Christian home and that, as Christians, we are supposed to follow.
Where this example is not practiced, the home becomes the epicenter and ground zero of gender battles.
Wives To Submit
Paul didn’t teach anything new. He only spelled out in clearer detail God’s standard for a Christian marriage and home, assigning the overall role of the husband versus the wife. Ephesians 5 is where we see Paul lay out this doctrine. He began with the wife by saying
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
— Ephesians 5:22
Notice the phrase “as to the Lord.” This is significant because some women would argue that their husband doesn’t deserve their submission. Paul is here preempting that kind of thinking by saying, don’t submit for the man’s sake when you don’t feel like it but do it as if you’re submitting to the Lord. I doubt that any true Christian woman would refuse to submit to the Lord.
I’ve heard some women argue that Paul earlier says “submitting to one another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). Yes, we are to submit to one another in a general context. In the context of marriage, it is the wife who is supposed to submit.
Then he followed by saying
“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”
— Ephesians 5:23
Paul is not introducing anything new; he is simply reframing the creation order discussed above. He is echoing what God established at the beginning—that the man is the head in a home. He further illustrated it by stating
“Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
— Ephesians 5:24
He wants to make sure that he leaves no room for ambiguity, so he grounds it in the relationship between Christ and the church.
Lastly, I don’t think that I need to, but Paul is not the boogeyman or the out-of-touch apostle that some like to make him out to be. Apostle Peter said the same thing
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.”
— 1 Peter 3:1
Peter even went further than Paul when he said wives should submit as Sarah did and obeyed Abraham (1 Peter 3:5-6). He also gave us the Abraham and Sarah relationship as a model for what this submission looks like. I encourage you to read my analysis of their relationship in “Does the Bible Enable Patriarchy?” Also, read my exposé on what to do to avoid the flashpoint of household duties and chores.
Paul and Peter didn’t coordinate on this, and there is no conspiracy. They both just stated the creation order that God established.
Just in case you think that God’s requirement for men is some kind of softball, let’s examine the role that God assigned the husband-man.
Husbands To Love
If you think that Paul is biased towards the husband-men, think again. I truly believe that God has placed the greater responsibility on the man, and this is not because I am a man. Paul devoted four more verses to elaborating the husband’s role—seven verses versus three verses for the wife’s.
He began by saying
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
— Ephesians 5:25
Similar to how he framed the requirement for wives to submit to their husbands, he said “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” He is telling husbands to love their wives as Christ regardless of anything. Then he grounded this admonition in three specific things: purpose (Ephesians 5:26-27), self-love (Ephesians 5:28-30), and lastly creation (Ephesians 5:31). Let me unpack them.
One, Purpose: Paul says
“that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”
— Ephesians 5:26-27
I believe that Paul is saying husbands loving their wives help them to become their best self. He is saying that wives are a reflection on the husband. If your wife is fearful and timid around you, check yourself. It could mean that you’re an abusive and controlling husband. A confident and radiant wife would also reflect a husband who doesn’t put his wife down but compliments her and makes her feel loved and wanted.
Two, Self-love: Paul says
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.”
— Ephesians 5:28-30
Paul is saying husbands loving their wives are in fact loving themselves. This is about perspective. When, as a husband, you care for your wife like you would care for your body, you’re in fact loving yourself—which raises a question. How do you care for a wife if you don’t know how to care for yourself? Perhaps this is the reason why some husbands don’t know how to show love and affection.
If as a man you have not learned how to love yourself, I’d say you are not ready to get married. And for any woman looking to get married, this is something you should look for. A man who doesn’t love himself may struggle to love you.
Lastly, Creation: Paul says
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
— Ephesians 5:31
You see, it all comes back to creation. Just as a wife is to submit to her husband the way God established it at creation, so a husband is to love his wife. There is another important truth hidden in this verse. A man who has not learnt to make decisions independent of his parents is not ready to marry or lead any woman.
Women, don’t marry a man who cannot respectfully say no to his parents when necessary. Don’t marry a man who still takes orders, especially from his mom. Such a man is not mature and ready to lead you. What you will have in your home is two heads: the mom who is the real head, and the man who is only a figurehead.
Final Word
I don’t believe there is anything controversial about these teachings. It is actually on the man that God has placed the greater responsibility to protect and provide.
If you are a wife and you struggle with submitting to your husband, you need to examine your heart. If you are a woman looking to marry, also examine your heart and make sure that you’re ready to submit to the man.
I think women sometimes spend too much time daydreaming and planning their weddings; they don’t give enough thought to what it means to be married. If you’re not ready to compromise and consider yourself an independent woman, then perhaps you’re not ready to be married. Because you can’t be married to a man and continue to maintain an independent mindset.
Like I said to the woman, men, also make sure you test for this in a would-be wife. If you find that the woman would never go along with any decision you make or is the only one who makes all the decisions, you may want to reconsider.
Your Turn
What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.