The Pressure to Conform
One of the hardest things in life is just being yourself—your real, authentic self. Teenagers, especially high schoolers, struggle with this more than most. They want to belong, so they go along with the crowd. They want to be liked, so sometimes they do things they don’t even enjoy.
Parents of young children need to understand this and start early in teaching their kids to be confident in who they are. Too often, parents unknowingly hurt their children’s sense of worth—by being overly critical, too strict, or by failing to celebrate their successes and good behavior. Discipline is important, but it has to be balanced with love and encouragement.
We live in a world full of bullies and pressures, and we can’t afford to undermine our children’s confidence. We need to teach them to stand up for themselves and, hopefully, to stand up for others. They can’t do that if they lack confidence. While parents aren’t accountable for every moral failure of their children, they are responsible for raising them in a godly way. Children are a gift from God. The Bible says:
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.”
— Psalm 127:3
Adults Face Pressure, Too
Adults aren’t immune to these pressures. We face social pressures at work, in our neighborhoods, and in our communities. Psychologists call it herd mentality—people sometimes act against their own judgment or beliefs just to fit in. In those moments, independent thinking gets set aside.
Take Halloween in America as an example. People dress up in costumes, go door to door for candy, and participate whether they’re Christian or not. Some Christian ministers say it’s fine if you avoid dark or unholy themes. My family chose not to celebrate it. My kids, when they were young, felt left out at first. I had to explain to them—drawing from history and secular sources—that Halloween has pagan roots and, from a biblical standpoint, it wasn’t right for us.
I don’t condemn anyone who celebrates it. My approach is similar to Paul’s when he discussed eating meat sacrificed to idols. He made it clear that idols are tied to demons (1 Corinthians 10:20), but he also said:
“Eat whatever is sold in the meat market, asking no questions for conscience’ sake; for ‘the earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness.’”
— 1 Corinthians 10:25-26
Some things are clear in Scripture, others are left to personal conviction. You have to decide what your conscience allows. One minister put it this way:
“In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”
The essentials are where there is absolutely no room for compromise. Another minister added that the essentials are the battlefield on which we live or die. We cannot and must not compromise on the explicit and direct commands of God.
Our decision not to celebrate Halloween was not an easy one. Some neighbors think it strange because to them it’s harmless fun. I knew one family who also didn’t believe in it but couldn’t handle kids knocking on their door, so they simply stayed away during trick-or-treat hours. For us, we found a solution: we put up a sign letting people know not to stop by.
I bring up Halloween because it’s a simple example of the pressures some believers may face to conform. God hasn’t called us to just go along with the world. The Bible says:
“…do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”
— Romans 12:2
People won’t always understand your decisions. Many won’t even try—they’ll just judge.
Jesus Too Was Criticized
Jesus was also criticized for not conforming, and there’s a lot we can learn from that. In Matthew 11, while He spoke highly of John the Baptist, He also said this about Himself and John - verses 16-17:
“But to what shall I liken this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their companions, and saying:
‘We played the flute for you,
And you did not dance;
We mourned to you,
And you did not lament.’”
Earlier, I mentioned that we live in a world full of bullies, and that teaching our children to stand up for themselves starts with building self-confidence. But the truth is, we also live in a very critical world where people often judge and condemn what they don’t understand. Jesus experienced that firsthand, showing us that staying true to God’s path doesn’t always earn approval—and that’s okay.
In the next part of this series, I’ll explore what Jesus says about living an authentic life. Subscribe to be notified.